Things Everyone Should Know About Emma (by Charlotte)

1.Llamas. Her llama obsession is quite literally unrivalled and terrifying, as is her drive to be a llama farmer, a profession I think she is only aiming for in order to get a job with internal rhyme. Matched only by

2. Tibet. Yes, she is one of those ‘Free Tibet!’ studenty people. This includes an unhealthy following of the Dalai Lama. She went to Manchester to hear him speak. Manchester. That’s the North for god’s sake.

3. She has a boyfriend called Albie, who looks a lot like a turkey dinosaur (google it if you had a poor, turkey-dinosaurless childhood) and goes on lots of runs, and always drinks a little bit too much Jack Daniels, leading to him sitting on a park bench calling me, and me sitting on a bonfire. That was a weird day.

4. I am not sure I have ever seen her cook a meal that didn’t include eggs. (She doesn’t really cook. Its not that she has an unhealthy obsession with eggs.)

5. I will personally come round to your house and pat you on the head if you can tell me the colour of her floor.

6. For Christmas, she gave me a full size traffic cone. Complete with wrapping paper and a bow on top. How thoughtful.

7. At this moment she is wearing a white collared shirt, sparkly jumper, pink dip dyed hair, pink velvet shorts and she looks hilarious. 10/10, circus ringmaster hilarious.


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